that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's always time for handjobs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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