So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
