I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
