I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
