When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
