I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
