then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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