Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
PANTIES FOUND
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