bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
