Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
