Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
