i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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