can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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