I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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