She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
