I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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