i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
