that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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