i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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