Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
