I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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