bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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