it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
