When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
