your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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