I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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