Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
