i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
