On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
