You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is wine microwaveable?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where are my eyebrows?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
