You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
