What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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