somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
two words: eviction party
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im part way to drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
