The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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