i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
