i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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