New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Say something about gay babies.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
