Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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