Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
