Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
