She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
