I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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