He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
