I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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