Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??