What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009