If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy