Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.