I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
