Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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