She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
