i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
