My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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