this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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