i just wanna soil my oats bro
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
