i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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