You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
