I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
