Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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