I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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