I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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