There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
