So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
