Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
