remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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