She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
