Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
