so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i out mim tonsoeep
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