Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
