just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
