we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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