Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
